Thursday, March 29, 2012

All's Well That Ends Well!

I'm not on Spring Break, but I think I need one. Soonly...as my British friends would say.

Did I tell you that I had one of my tires stolen off my car the other day? 

And I woke up this afternoon to find that I had all FOUR tires stolen, including the new one I had just put on there?

I didn't notice they were even missing until I started driving down the road and I couldn't steer right.  I pulled the car over, parked it and walked back to my townhouse (didn't want to bend the rims).

There in my front yard was this strange looking huge yellow bird. It  looked like a big fat yellow Garfield the cat, all puffed up with his hair sticking straight out. 

I looked at him trying to figure out what exactly he was doing because he was making this growling noise and was trying to flap what looked like little wings and take flight. Then suddenly another puffer-fluffer cat came flying out of nowhere and nosed dived into me. 

And there was a hammer missing in my house. And more flying cats. So I called my brother in tears and he came over and told me I had to file a report with the police about the missing tires. 

But, he said to wait until tomorrow because he didn't have time today. 

I was like "How am I going to get to work tomorrow???" 

The panic set in so fast.


I know this kind of panic...it feels so familiar...

Slowly reality came back into focus. 

I am in my bed. There is banging going on on my roof from the roofers up there. 

Kids are playing out my window. "What day is it?" 

Look at the clock. 

5:00 p.m. Sun is up. 

Ahhh...Valium! MRI!! It all came back so clearly to me, in a drug-induced-kind-of-way. 

It was just a dream. I checked. 


The car is still parked outside, all four tires still there. Never had a tire stolen off my car....yet.  Dream.

Today I got the day off!! Yeah!! Not.

I had to get a nerve test on my left arm and an MRI. 

If you have to take a day off from work, ya don't want to spend it the way I did. It was such a beautiful warm Spring day! The birds were chirping, the sun was shining....and I had to get electric shocks sent up my arms.

I went to the doctor because I have had "pins and needles" and numbness and some pain in my left hand and arm. It already hurts like a Mother, hence the doctor's appointments.

Add a little electric shock to that mix and yum! 

I'm a fainter. I faint at the dentist EVERY SINGLE TIME I go. (But that's another story for another day.)

They tell you when they are hooking you up to this electric shock thingy that tests your nerves to see if there is any damage that it might hurt just a little. Holy Hannah!! 

When I say this was a form of torture, I'm not kidding. The shocks hurt so badly. My arm and hand were twitching and jumping with each burst of electricity. I got so light headed.


"This isn't good."


"Shazam, I'm going down...I'm going down..." 

And then it was over. No fainting! I did it!!


Time to switch the tester thingy around and do it two more times. 
(once more on my bad arm and once on my good one, to have something to compare it to.)  


I am not a mental whimp. 


Really. 


I started to get really light headed and woozy again. Right when I thought I was going to pass out, the test was over!  


I'm so tough!!! I flew through it with shining stars!! My students would have clapped for my bravery!!

Then it was time for my MRI. Sounds serious. I don't think it is. I think I have a pinched nerve in my neck. 

I was in a car accident 20 something years ago and got a neck injury then. They tell me now, that I have a neck of a 80 year old! Something to be proud of! 

I have degenerative disc disease in my upper vertibrae in my neck. The last four months I've slowly been losing strength in my left arm and the pain has been bad enough to cause me not to sleep. I'm in my 40s and growing old by the minute. Sad.

I had an MRI three years ago when I was having fainting spells. They never did figure out what was causing them. 

Last time I had an MRI it took over 3 hours. They let my friend stand in the corner of the room and crack jokes and sing to me to get me through it. It wasn't pretty. 

This time I was prepared! I told the doctor, the nurse, the MRI people who scheduled my appointment to put me out. I am extremely claustrophobic and there was no way in $#*$ I was going to go through another MRI without being put out.

No prob. Went to the MRI place. Got in the cute little scrubs they give you to wear. (Why don't we get to wear scrubs to work?) Got my vitals checked.

And they hand me a Valium. Blank stare.

I just got done telling them my song and dance about how the last MRI took over three hours because I kept hitting the panic button and they hand me ONE valium??

That's what they gave me last time. 

Where's the anesthetic?!! Why did I come here early to be put out??

"The valium is how we put you out. We don't put you under. To do that you have to go to the other hospital."

Panic starts to creep up my throat. What in the world?? How did I get into this mess?? This isn't happening. 

I tried to be brave. I really really did. I thought of my first graders and how they would not want a teacher that is a wimp. I climbed up there on the MRI table, got the strappy thinging put on over my neck...and NOPE. 

NOT DOING THIS! 

They took the strappy thingy off my neck, covered me with a warm blanket, (they were soooo sweet! Did I mention that the MRI guy was stinking handsome?? Holy muscles. Holy hottness. (Holy wedding ring on his finger. Bummer.) "Never mind the ring for right now! I can do this! I can do this for HIM!!")

Ok, I am ready. Deep breaths. Here we go. 

Under the MRI. 

Keeping eyes closed. 

So far so good.

Machine starting up.

"Five minutes must have passed by now! I'm doing so good!"

Panic rising. I start thinking about the beach....hot guy in MRI window...my students at school thinking how brave I am...anything. 

More panic. 

I open my eyes. AAARRZGH!!! Bad!! BAD! BAD!!! The MRI machine is two inches above my nose. No air. Can't breathe. Can't see anything. 

"I'm being buried alive!!" PANIC BUTTON!!! Holy bleep, bleep, bleep!! 

Where are they??? Why aren't they coming to get me?? 

Squeezing panic button furiously and crying for help!!! 

There he is...hot MRI guy is there...he's telling me I'm ok....he's slowly pulling me out of the machine. 

I sit up. Then, tears....more tears..."Stop crying!! Don't let hotty MRI guy see you cry!!!" 

Mr. Hotty MRI guy tells me how brave I have been for the ONE MINUTE I was under there. 

What the freak?? One minute?? Seriously??

More tears. 

I go back out of the room. They give me another valium. My friend Pam is called back to sit with me. 

I cry on Pam's shoulder. 

I am a wimp. Plain and simple. 

We sit. We sit some more. More people come in to get MRIs. I have to do this. I have to do this now.

I will save you the long version of the rest of the story... Mr. Hotty MRI guy took off all the cushions, pads, mattresses, whatever was on there, and got me lowered another 3 inches! He brought me a fresh warm blanket, helped me lay down, and even pulled the hair away from my face as I laid down. 

"Sigh...Mr. Hotty is so dreamy...." Valium starting to work.

"I can do this for Mr. Hotty...." Getting drowsy. In the machine I go. I can't move my head, but I can move my eyes and see the sides of the room. I'm at least 5 inches below the MRI machine. I see four screws in the ceiling of the machine.....

Next thing I know, Mr. Hotty and his assistant are back in the room. They are saying something about how amazingly brave I was! I did it!!! I did it!!! 30 WHOLE MINUTES!!! I DID IT!!!

I was so proud of myself! Now I can face my students in the morning and tell them I overcame one of my worst fears! All by myself!! 

I came home and fell into a deep Valium-induced sleep....and had some very crazy dreams....


But, as my Dad used to say, "All's well that ends well!"

Hugs and loads of Loves! It's almost FRIDAY!!
Rebecca


11 comments:

  1. omgosh! First thought was - WHAT?! How does that happen to someone?? lol..(tires)
    then, as I'm reading your MRI story, I'm getting all closterphobic just sitting here...lol.
    Although when I had an MRI done, I actually fell asleep during the test, so I did survive it.

    ♥ Jen
    The Teacher's Cauldron

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  2. Holy mack! You scared me -- I was wondering what was happening at the beginning of this post!!!!!
    You are brave!!! I have never had an MRI and I can't imagine. I hope they get to the bottom of this! Keep us posted!
    A Teeny Tiny Teacher

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  3. Your students would also be suprised at your detail in the story! You're a great writer! haha Btw, I don't like MRI's either!!
    Becky
    Teaching, Learning, & Loving

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  4. The beginning threw me off! Lol.
    Good job! Hmmm Mr. Hotty :)

    Journey of a Substitute Teacher

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  5. So sorry that you had to go through all of this- how terrible! But your writing is just so funny!
    Lori
    Conversations in Literacy

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  6. Oh my gosh I was wondering, "Where the bleep does this girl live?!" Thank God it was just a dream!!!
    ❤Teri
    A Cupcake for the Teacher

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  7. Wow you had quite an ordeal! But you did it! Way to go Rebecca! I hope they find the cause of your pain and you're feeling better very soon! Hugs!

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  8. I get the hammer part of the dream- roofers.
    Did you ever figure out what the giant puffy yellow bird was all about?

    Glad you made it through- Hotty Nurse Guys always make it better....unless I have to be nakey-nakey in front of them....then I don't like them:)
    Staci

    Going Nutty!

    misssquirrels@yahoo.com

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  9. Staci!! Thank you!! I thought the hammer was sooo random!! Thanks for making the connection for me! The cat thing...all I can figure is that I was at my friend's birthday party last night and she has three cats....that's all I've got for that one! :)
    Rebecca
    Teaching First

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  10. At first, I was wondering where does she live? I was so glad to find out that it was a dream. However, I am sorry about the MRI.

    enrichingkinders.blogspot.com

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  11. Oh, My!! So sorry about all this!! Yay, Pharmacology!!! Sometimes we just need it!!


    Laura
    Peace, Love, and First Grade

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